Do You Need Feedback?
Discovering hidden keys to success
"Feedback is the breakfast of champions." – Ken Blanchard
Without constructive feedback, you may start to feel undervalued and disconnected. Worse still, in the absence of feedback, we sometimes fill in the blanks with a negative. We assume our managers and colleagues don't care about us or don't like us.
Feedback serves as a mirror, reflecting our strengths and areas for improvement. Regular feedback transforms potential into performance. But for some it will remain forever out of reach. This conversation will help your approach to feedback, one way or another.
Getting plenty of feedback already? Instead, maybe you’re dealing with:
A micromanager: Dealing with a boss who is watching your every move.
Envy in the workplace: Conquering the tendency to envy others' success.
Professional development: No opportunities for learning or skill-building.
SEEKER: I’m frustrated. My manager barely gives me feedback. I don’t know if I’m doing well or failing miserably. How can I improve if I’m left in the dark?
SAGE: Why do you think you need your manager’s feedback to know where you stand?
SEEKER: Well, isn’t that how it works? They’re in charge. They see my performance from the outside. Without their input, I’m just guessing.
SAGE: A fair assumption. But tell me, how do you feel when you don’t get this feedback?
SEEKER: Lost. Anxious. Sometimes I think I’m not good enough, and other times I wonder if they just don’t care. It’s like I’m invisible.
SAGE: Invisible. That’s an interesting word. I’ve come to believe that we sometimes create our own feelings based on the meaning we give to events. Could it be that your manager’s silence isn’t about you at all?
SEEKER: What do you mean? If they’re not telling me anything, it must mean something. Either I’m not worth the effort or I’m doing something wrong.
SAGE: Must it? What purpose does that belief serve you? Does assuming their silence is judgment help you grow, or does it trap you in doubt?
SEEKER: I suppose it keeps me stuck. I obsess over what they might think instead of focusing on my work. But if I don’t know their opinion, how do I measure myself?
SAGE: Aha! You’re caught in what we call “the pursuit of recognition.” Seeking others’ approval ties your worth to their words. What if, instead, you measured yourself by your own goals?
SEEKER: My own goals? Like what? I’m there to do a job they define.
SAGE: True, but I see life as a series of tasks we choose to engage with. At work, your task isn’t just to please your manager. It’s to contribute, to refine your craft. What if you asked yourself: “Did I do my best today? Did I solve a problem or help someone?”
SEEKER: That sounds nice, but it feels naive. If my manager doesn’t think I’m doing well, I could lose my job. I need their feedback to survive.
SAGE: Survival matters, yes. But we often overestimate others’ power over us. If feedback is scarce, why not seek it actively? Not out of fear, but curiosity. Could you ask your manager directly: “What’s one thing I could improve?”
SEEKER: I could, but what if they still don’t say much? Or worse, what if they criticize me harshly?
SAGE: Then you’d have clarity. That’s useful either way. We’re not victims of others’ actions. We choose how to respond. If your manager is vague, you keep defining your own path. If they criticize, you decide what to take or leave. Does their silence have to paralyze you?
SEEKER: No, I guess not. But it’s hard to let go of wanting their approval. It feels like I’d be losing a safety net.
SAGE: That’s understandable. But that net is an illusion. True freedom comes when we stop living for others’ praise and start living for our own purpose. What if your manager’s silence is a gift, a chance to trust yourself?
SEEKER: A gift? That’s a stretch. But… maybe I could try judging my work by what I think matters. Like if I helped a teammate or finished a task well. It beats waiting for words that might never come.
SAGE: Exactly. Self-acceptance drives change, not external validation. Start there. Still proactively ask for feedback, but be prepared beforehand to take it XXX. The results of this approach might surprise you.
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